Metal Gear Solid 2 and one half: Raiden Eater
by Love Monkey
Summary: Fatman's threat of C4 is forgotten by stupidity. R+R!! Remember... Solid Snake, Raiden, Fatman, Peter Stillman, Rose, Solidus and all the other freaks of MGS2 don't belong to me... but their stupidity does =3


Rose: Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better then you!  
  
Raiden: No you cant!  
  
Rose: Yes I can! Anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better then you!  
  
Raiden: No you cant!  
  
Rose: Yes I can!  
  
Raiden: No you cant!  
  
Rose: Yes I can!  
  
Raiden: No you cant!  
  
Rose: Yes I caaaaaaaaaaaa. . .  
  
*gunshot*  
  
*Raiden blows smoke from his Socom*  
  
Anyway... onto the pointless fic!  
  
Metal Gear Solid 2 1/2: INSIDE THE BIG SHELL! RAIDEN FOUND STILLMAN AND SUCH. They talk, etc. etc., and I'll just start here.  
  
Pliskin: Lets see if that sensor works.  
  
Stillman: k.  
  
*Stillman switchs on Sensor*  
  
Raiden: What's that icky green stuff?  
  
Stillman: Hell if I know. Fatman always liked to use this perfume from Victoria Secrets, so that may be it. Now... I've established a linkup with your radar so be sure you don't get caught, or it'll jam... or something. Hell, you dudes are the stealth experts, you figure it out.  
  
*Pliskin takes coolant and Sensor A*  
  
Pliskin: Kid, this place is all yours, I'll take care of Shell 1  
  
Raiden: Uh.. We're in Shell 1?  
  
Pliskin: Uh.. Shell 2. Yeah, I ment Shell 2. Now Raiden, this is the coolant spray, just because you have an ungodly amount of it doesn' t mean you can go sticking it up your ass every now and then. Just because it has that nozzle that'll screw up somewhere dirty doesn't mean... !  
  
Raiden: Got it!  
  
Pliskin: Uh.. Petey, you stay here.  
  
Stillman: k, I'll be chillin' in the pantry.  
  
Pliskin: Take care, semper fi, live long and prosper, nano-nano  
  
*Pliskin leaves*  
  
Stillman: ...That man is no SEAL  
  
Raiden: No shat sherlock! Any man who talks like my grandmother isn't a SEAL  
  
Stillman: Your grandmother was a SEAL?  
  
Raiden: Of course! You know you can see her in action in demo mode?  
  
Stillman: Demo mode?  
  
Raiden: Omg! You haven't played Substance? If you haven't you should! Raiden is a streaker in that one too!  
  
Stillman: Is he now?  
  
Raiden: Yes! He's got buns of steel!  
  
Stillman: Looks like I'll have to check it out... Wait, what am I talking about! Get to work on those C4!  
  
*Raiden leaves the room and codec calls*  
  
Pliskin: How you doing, kid?  
  
Raiden: Snake! Where've you been?  
  
Pliskin: ... Snake died.  
  
Raiden: Oh yeah, that's later in the game.  
  
Pliskin: Yeah, duh.  
  
Raiden: Were you really a SEAL?  
  
Pliskin: ...maybe.  
  
Raiden: Is Vamp a bisexual?  
  
Pliskin: Yep, he was the lover of Military Commando: David Hayter  
  
Raiden: David Hayter? Isn't that...?  
  
Pliskin: So you noticed... not bad for a rookie.  
  
Raiden: It can't be...! The President?!  
  
Pliskin: What! No! He's the voice actor!  
  
Raiden: I wanna have a voice like that! Switch!  
  
*voices get mixed around*  
  
Raiden(Snake voice): Yeah, now that's better... Pliskin?  
  
Pliskin: Does this uniform make me look fat?  
  
Raiden: ...why do you sound like Rose?  
  
Pliskin: We never talk anymore! Am I not good enough for you!? Where are your clothes?  
  
Raiden: Whoa.. I'm naked... Guess I took 'em off when I wasn't looking.  
  
Pliskin: What an ass! Shake it baby!  
  
Raiden: Where are you, Pliskin?  
  
Pliskin: Where I can see ya!  
  
*codec goes off*  
  
Raiden: Hold on, I'm getting another call.*  
  
Rose: Jack, do you remember the day we met?  
  
Raiden: Solidus?!  
  
Rose: ... maybe. Damn I feel like a woman! Look at my breasts... they're even bigger now! Hell, I don't even need the suit for this incredible feat!  
  
Raiden: Look, I'm naked, I've been shot at, had gernades thrown at me, blown away by a harrier, slipped on bird shit, pissed on by a soldier, and cheated death on a skateboard! This is NOT MY DAY!  
  
Rose: No you haven't...  
  
Raiden: Well that's what the script says! How should I know, I just work here!  
  
Rose: Just answer the f*ckin' question, dammit!  
  
Raiden: Rose, when I get back... I'll tell you everything.  
  
Rose: Whoa, my butt! That baby is huge too! er... Is that... a proposal?  
  
Raiden: No. Oh, and Rose? It's not as big as you think  
  
Rose: ...what!  
  
*Codec goes off* 


End file.
